Crabs in a bucket: Why other people want to see you FAIL

Crabs in a bucket: Why other people want to see you FAIL

When a crab is crabbin' and chillin' with other crabs in a bucket, doin' what the crab bros do, all is well with the world. But once he decides he doesn't like it there anymore, because crab bro Jeff drinks too much salt water and then he farts all the time or because crab bro Steve makes fun of his very strong, but weirdly colored pincer and so he decides to GTFO, all hell breaks loose.

You see, when a crab starts climbing out of the bucket, other crabs will grab him and pull him back. 

I really don't know why they do that - and frankly, couldn't care less about crabs - but I know for certain this behavior is common for humans too. And with humans I know EXACTLY why they do it.

OTHER PEOPLE WANT TO SEE YOU FAIL.

Even your family and friends sometimes (friends more often than not).

People are insecure. They are insecure about their bodies, about their jobs, skills, partners, anything you think of and such are in an ongoing process of comparing themselves to you and to everybody else.

You know I'm right because when you think about it, you also see yourself comparing to others, all the time. While comparing your gaming skills to a better gamer in order to get better - for example - is a healthy way to properly quantify and identify where you need to improve in order to get somewhere, here we are looking at the much more prevalent unhealthy comparison techniques. 

So here he is, Steve the Average Crab, in the bucket of life with all the other average crabs and suddenly one of the crabs (you) starts talking crazy shit, like "Dammit, I just had with this stupid job at McCrabnald's! I want to do something fullfilling with my life, I'm gonna start selling pincer whetstones" and Steve the Average Crab is like "Shit, how the fuck did this guy got such an awesome idea? Why didn't I think of that? Am I such a loser? Why am I worse than him? He's my friend so I should support him, but if he's successful, that would mean that I'm not and that just can't happen".

As such, Steve the Average Crab grabs you by the ankle (do crabs have ankles? I'm not really sure) when you're almost to the Crab Whetstone Factory and pulls you back to his level. Smirking, he says "Aww dammit bro, that's such a big shame your business didn't work out, here I was rooting for you, ah well let's go grab a Crab Light, amirite?" and is content with his stupid, boring life once again.

What I want to say with this Crab Story 3 (I should fucking write a screenplay out of this) is:

95% of people don't want to see you succeed in anything, because that would mean THEY FAILED.

Your friends often aren't your real friends (and if you have some real ones, tried and tested, cling to them like a dried up jam clings to your T-shirt) and they have their own agenda. 

Why does your family and true friends do this sometimes too?

Even your parents have their own beliefs about what you should do, what you should become, how you should  do it and who to sleep with and who not to...and many times will pull you back to their bucket.

Your true friends are not very different - they like you and they want you to be successful, but also have their ideas about how you should attain that goal, which isn't always in line with what YOU need or want.

One theory says that your family and friends do it because they are afraid that if you "transcend" to another lifestyle, to another social group or to another mindset, they'll be left alone, without you. They will miss you and so they'd rather have you be semi-happy with them than fully-happy on our own.

I had 2 very good friends once I spent a lot of time with. We used to go to the gym together, we regularly went out, we shared the most intimate secrets with each other and watched YouTube videos when drunk. But one day when hanging out with them I realized that this wasn't working for me anymore. They were content with a daily job, getting home, playing soccer and getting drunk. I wanted much more. I wanted to start a business, I wanted to spend my time improving and I wanted to achieve something real - not this mediocre life.

When I shared my feelings with them, their reaction was catastrophical. They said I was trying to be more than them, that I was a fucking elitist, that I don't appreciate what they have done for me and it almost went to a fistfight. Suffice to say we haven't spoken more than 2 sentences to each other in the next years. 

When I'm reminiscing like this I guess they really weren't my true friends after all. Or maybe they were, but hoped they would keep me in their company this way, which didn't exactly work out.

If you really want to get out of the bucket, now's the time. There will be no better. True friends and family will support your choices (if those choices are not extremely stupid) no matter what. The process is not always easy and you might have to forfeit your leg when they grab it - but it's well worth the pain.

Climb out Crabby and start looking at the world not blocked by bucket walls anymore.

 

Why you don't have money - Top fuckups almost everybody makes

Why you don't have money - Top fuckups almost everybody makes